Welcome back to my adoption world.
Since I began writing my memoir, my goal was to support people impacted by adoption. I wanted to use my story to verify key issues and say, "It's ok to search for your birth family. You will have happy moments and crushing moments. But, if it is what you need to do, work hard and never give up."
Young Love - An Adoptee's Memoir tells my story. It was published four years ago—I can't believe it! My plan is to revisit a few of the conundrums I faced and connections that became so important to me as the story unraveled. Many of these conundrums and connections continue to challenge me today.
It is important to recognize that the lives of adoptees vary as much as the lives of children who live with their biological parents. It is also important to recognize how our culture and laws and technology have changed over the decades since I was a child.
I speak from my experiences. But I read a lot and I understand the underlying feelings adoptees share, regardless of their circumstances. Finally, I hope my story encourages discussion about adoption issues and provides support for fellow adoptees.
Identity
We develop a sense of who we are at a young age. Adopted or not, our early experiences form our identity. Mom and dad were my parents. Simple as that. They knew all about needing and wanting to adopt, and that my brother was their biological child. But in my world, they were my parents, we were a family. I didn't need another set of parents and I loved my family.
"But who is your real mother?" Then, the agency referred to mom and dad as my adoptive parents. What? I want people to know that my mom and dad were my only parents. I stress this because it defines a real adoption issue. We were relinquished as infants and raised in the only family we knew. Our identity formed in childhood is who we are, even after searching. Real parents, birth parents, adoptive parents are meaningless terms to young children.
Now, in the adoption world, I have searched and I know who my birth parents were. I have connected with half siblings, nieces, nephews, and cousins. I have a biological family tree. I love my newly found family. I've learned about my inherited traits, medical history, and shared interests. We continue to get acquainted and visit each other. Of course, they know and I know that I'm still that little girl who grew up in Ste. Anne de Bellevue, on the west end of Montreal Island with parents who adopted me.
This is an adoption conundrum—I grew up happily without my biological family. I had my parents and brother and sister. Later as a young mom, I felt a need to find my birth family. That need and the joy in finding my biological family doesn't change the identity I formed with my parents and family. In fact, my identity is enhanced by everything I have learned. And I am grateful for the support I received in my search.